Gentlemen, surely you are aware of the fact that getting a woman to kiss you for the first time is treacherous business. Too often, as you leaned in with closed eyes, expecting the sweet lips of your big-tiddy goth date, have you received, instead, the cold touch of your computer screen, or worse, the gut-wrenching awkward retreat of the girl who only went out with you because you lied to her about the popularity of your mailing list for memes.
But there is hope left yet, gentlemen, so pray do not fret. A new, peer-reviewed research paper from Harvard University provides conclusive proof that female psychology can be exploited by exposing women to the right cues at the right time.
What are these cues you ask? Well, the answer is: Frog memes. That's right. Frog memes are scientifically proven to make women more receptive to approach on account of the exploit CVE-2021-44228 in the Female Psyche, which is vulnerable to arousal when exposed to frogs.
Exposing a woman to frog memes thirty-five seconds before attempting to kiss her results in a 64% increase in chances that she will kiss you back. That means your overall chances of being kissed went from 0.001% to a whopping 0.064%! If this is not a success story, I don't know what is.
This does not work on account of the cuteness of frogs but rather because some medieval dude once wrote a story titled "The Princess and the Frog". All girls read this story when they are young, and thus they internalize the idea that Frog = Cute Prince. And since you're the one showing her the memes, she thinks You = Cute Prince. Smart, right?
So, gentlemen, the next time you're on a date, and she sort of shuts-down as if "there's a frog in her throat", realize that this is in fact a sign that she's thinking that you're perfect boyfriend material. Not just that, this is in fact a Freudian sign that she wants to do a lot more than kiss you: she wants you in her throat.
In the following guide, I shall provide you with an ample supply of frog memes which will last you several weeks with additional buffer left over. The ideal step-by-step method of exposure is the follows:
Disclaimer: The author of this report is not liable for any slaps and/or public humiliation etc. the reader may receive. This approach is still experimental in nature. Try at your own risk.
- Expose her to no more than FIVE frog memes, and spend no more than 30 seconds on each meme
- You want to time the moment when you start leaning in. The best time is when she suddenly stops laughing and starts staring into nothingness as if "there's a frog in her throat". This is a sign that the frog-prince exploit has worked successfully. She now thinks you are her prince. Critics will argue and say that when she's silent, she's asking herself: "What am I doing with my life?" but this is wrong. She is in fact thinking "This man can be my husband".
- Lean in for a kiss slowly, keep your eyes closed so she doesn't poke them out if she gets startled (Personal Anecdote).
So without much more beating round the lotus pond, so to speak, lets us jump into the memes!
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Please reply with personal anecdotes and success stories and I might share them with the rest of the club!
Goodbye, and thank me later, Gentlemen. You know I always got ur bacc.